Rewired?

Something has happened in the process of doing a month of autopsies that has disturbed me. Let me explain my schedule a little. In the mornings, I always check in the autopsy suite to see if there are any bodies for autopsy. If not, then I am assigned to either looking at slides most of the day, dissecting organs that have been removed from live people a day prior, or taking a small piece of an organ that has just been removed from a person mainly to see if all the cancer was removed.

Most of the mornings I have had an autopsy and the bodies were cold to preserve the tissue. Well, one day I went from an autopsy TO helping out with the organ staining to see if the cancer was removed. The staining happens in the same hallway as the surgeries are taking place. This is so we can report back to the surgeon to let them know if they got it all or not. Then, the surgeon knows how to proceed with the surgery.

Well, I think I got used to the "cold" autopsy organs so when I was looking at the organs fresh from surgery it was really alarming because they were warm! I think the warmth brought back the reality that the organ was from a live patient and made things a little too real. During the process of medical school, it becomes kind of like second nature to do examinations and to become a little disconnected so that a body part is a body part and not attached to a person.

Anyways, through this whole process I was disturbed because I realized that I've become rewired in my thinking- good or bad?